Whisper to The Moon

 

 

To be honest, taking my current option is not easy. However, I have thought the consequences behind. Considering this matter, it makes me calmer to breathe. At least, my positive sides or good risks of my option are worth enough to hold.

My baby now has been three years old, which means she is not a baby anymore, and it is fine to correctly called her as a toddler. She now knows her mom, definitely knows how to deal with her mom for all activities she has in a day for 24 hours, for all week, for all month. Sometimes, I feel totally exhausted. I need to break. I need some ‘me time’ for me, myself to inhale some fresh air. But, indeed, I cannot escape from my own daughter. Why should I escape from her meanwhile I am her entire universe? However, you know, it is not something easy to face the similar activities all day. I often feel bored. As an ordinary human, I am absolutely okay to moan. Is that right?

Luckily, although my husband is not in my side physically, yet he is always with me, accompanying me mentally all time. Thus, I often say to him about my hard time. He always says, ‘You’re fine, you’re okay, I am here to listen. Don’t forget to check out some stuffs you want. Just purchase. If you are out of money, tell me, I’ll send you more. If you are getting exhausted, get some massage, spa or whatever you want.’ I always get melted if he says those words. Fortunately, I am a lucky wife, a lucky mom, thus, should I complain for my current life?

I have thought it much. It sometimes, disturbs me. How is my career? What will I be in the future? I am an ambitious enough for professional works. But, I am now here, being stuck for my daily life. I have been crying a lot for this. I have tried to give up for this. However, my thought, my energy, is not enough for my current situation. I sometimes feel so much exhausted for my body, my thought. That is why, watching C-Drama amuses me from those hard thought. However, do I do some escape? Absolutely my answer is yes.

I am the one who controls myself. This tough time should not influence me from my plans for future. I have known my own limitation. I am the one who knows what should I do. If the storm outside me is heavy enough to destroy, as long as I left my door closed, I am going to be fine. Besides, having time with my daughter, teaching her, cooking some food for her, taking care of her, taking a bath of her, cutting her nail, is a gift. Nowadays, being a full mom is something rare. I should thank for Allah, for giving me a chance like this. Whether I am not bright enough for others, as long as I have faith in my heart, I am pretty sure, I am the brightest star for my daughter and my husband. For others, I will enlighten them with my rest energy.

Need to note, I am happy for my life. I am so thankful being me. Although my way is not easy, but I love this life.

I whispered to the moon

It looked me, brightly

Tried hard to listen what I said

"Louder, please,"

Told him

"I cannot", answered me

It remained silent

I whispered again and again

I wanted to yell

However, my sound hurt

It echoed with blood

The moon looked me, silently

"Why don't you listen what I say?" I started to cry.

"I cannot listen what you say, but,"

"But what?"

"Listen, I cannot hear your voice, but, you, listen to your own self. Drown to your soul. You are the best listener for you. No one can do as best as you do."

Now, I knew, why I only could whisper, not yell

Blitar, 08 Aug 2024